The first time I remember thinking that life and movies really are connected is when I saw a tired old plot device happen to me. It was some time right after college, when I ran into someone I had a crush on while I was a student. We chatted and I bravely told him that I had been “into him” when we were friends back in school. Just like the movies said would happen, he revealed he had had a crush on me too, and would have loved a date. Ha! We both sighed one of those “what might have been” sighs and moved on in our very opposite directions. Unlike the movies, I don’t think either of us has any regrets.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the movie of my life lately, though, and I have realized something that makes me sad. Sometimes in my movie, there are people who come in and have a huge part to play. They’ve got a ton of lines and are in happy and sad scenes. They’re with me for the day to day and the extraordinary. In my movie, they are main characters. Unfortunately, I’ve recently learned that some of my main characters just had me as a bit part, a walk on. I was one of the credits that will roll by so fast at the end of the movie hat you’ll hardly even be able to read my name. I’ve allowed myself free reign on my emotions with it, and I have gone from sad to angry and back and forth a few times. Mostly I just end up disappointed; on a good day it’s with them and on a bad day it’s with me. Lately, the feeling of not being valued as a person has been overwhelming.
It’s not been all heartache, though. Some people have shown me that we were each other’s main characters and that they have no intention of letting me drift out of their movies, even though we’re nowhere near each other anymore (or in one case, still). A few people have even worked with me because we were bit parts for each other and always wanted more, so we’re working on communication and sharing, even from far away.
Recognizing who you want your main characters to be and having the courage to tell them is liberating and one of the positive things I’ve learned to do in this last year. So whoever you are, if I’m a main character, a bit let, a walk on, or a voice over for you, I thank you for letting me be part of your movie.