What I miss and what I don’t

It’s been almost a whole year since our big move and that’s led me to do some reflecting on the changes I’ve seen in the past 11.6 months. I’ve asked myself a lot lately what I miss about my old life. I didn’t allow myself to really think about that for quite a while. It was almost as if I thought that by admitting there were things that I missed I would be saying that I failed in the move. That somehow the move was a mistake. I know that’s silly, but it was my reasoning at the time.

So what are the things that I miss? I miss going out with friends all the time. I miss cold nights with no bugs, and mosquitos coming out only for a couple of weeks a year. I never again will underestimate the sheer delight of having sweat evaporate off of you instead of just dripping down your back when you get hot in the summer. I miss working in my own classroom so much that it breaks my heart all over again every single day. I miss all the kids knowing me in the grocery store. I miss five people.

One of the reasons I have finally been able to accept and acknowledge that I miss things is because I’ve begun to understand the things I don’t miss a bit more. I’ll never miss the seemingly endless snow or the lack of spring and real, colorful, crisp, apple-cider-pumpkin-spice-and-burning-leaf scented fall. I do not miss pretending to be happy all the time to make the people around me feel more comfortable. I don’t miss how I was cynical and didn’t always assume the best of people. I’ll never forget how out of place I felt for what I looked like and how I felt in my old home. I don’t miss the prospect of a family emergency being a crippling financial and emotional experience. I will not ever underestimate the power of living closer to family, even if you don’t always like them because they’re there for you when you really need them.

It’s a really good thing we came out here. Taking the risk, quitting our jobs, selling the business, moving back across the country, was so much harder the second time around, but it has been more rewarding than I could ever have predicted. It hasn’t gone completely as planned, and we’re still working out some bumps in the road, but I’m really glad we did it.

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