Depression · Grief · Life · Teacher · Teaching · Unemployment

I didn’t respond well

They say people are defined by how they respond in the worst of times. The news I got this week definitely qualifies for the worst of times. I continue to be semi-unemployed and did not land a teaching job with the district in which I live. The only district that I saw job openings for. My heart broke when I found out and I am still recovering. 

I will admit that my reaction at first wasn’t the best. In fact, I hit my own personal rock bottom. I wanted nothing more than to wallow in my self pity. I tried to wallow. I got pretty bad and self loathing. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt so poorly about myself. 

At one point I looked up and saw Daughter looking at me with tears in her eyes. She wondered why I was so sad. I told her that I felt like I had disappointed her and the family. I told her I messed up and let her down. I told her I failed. She looked me in the eye and said, “It’s ok. You will do better next time. I love you.”

Daughter didn’t tell me that I hadn’t failed or let her down. She didn’t claim to not be disappointed. At first, that crushed me more. Later I realized that she had given me a gift. She told me the truth and she let me know she still believed in me. 

If I will be judged by the way I responded to this crisis I may not be judged well. If Daughter gets judged, she’s gonna do ok. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s