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OK, so it’s a cancer blog

As you’ll remember, I really didn’t want this to become a cancer blog. Long term, maybe it won’t be, but for right now cancer is a part of my life from which I cannot disassociate, and I hate that. I mean, I know it makes sense that it’s all I’m thinking about right now, but still. Dang.

I’m waiting on some news from my doctor- this seems like an endless cycle of a tiny bit of news and then wait some more- to find out if I will lose my breasts. This is not the type of thing I would normally write about so freely, my breasts that is, but they’re all that’s on my mind. Will I get to keep them? Will I lose them? What will I look like? Will I feel like me? Do I want reconstruction? Am I a candidate for reconstruction? Will I still feel like I have my female identity? The questions keep running through my mind. I cry. I get angry. I scowl at all things pink and ribbon-y.

So, that’s where I am now, friends. If you don’t hear from me on Friday, it’s because I have my surgery then and I either have nothing new to add or I’m just too overwhelmed to get my thoughts together. Until I talk to you again, be good to each other! And after then, too.

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