A person I love and respect very much is a bit more than ten years my senior. He gives me insight into what’s coming next as I age when he describes things he notices about himself now, and it’s good to have a picture of the mysteries ahead. Something he pointed out to me a little more than a year ago is how he’s realized he tends to be more emotional now than ever before. We were talking about some tears I noticed in my father-in-law and he told me that he finds that he will often have tears at the sweet “wrap up” portion at the end of a favorite sitcom. For him, this is a part of aging. I was curious if it would be for me, too.
This weekend I met up with an old friend I had not seen or spoken to more than some cards, invitations, two phone calls, and social media posts in about 20 years. Back in my youth, I had some amazing conversations with this man. We laughed together at parties with mutual friends, but what I remember the most are the talks; they were serious ones, and had many meaningful moments of contemplation and questioning. Good, college-type, forever friendship building moments. He was also close to Husband, and they shared many laughs together in their lives. I imagine they had some pretty great talks, too.
When I saw him this weekend, I was embraced in the warmest of ways. He hugged tightly, strongly, and would not be the first to let go. He was full of warmth and love. It was as if not a day had passed, but also as if every second of those 20 or so years had mattered and created a feeling of missing. And my eyes filled with tears. I think his did, too.
If this is what it means to age, to feel things more deeply, not only in my bones but also in my soul, I will take it. I will take it and thank the Universe I have such good people to feel it all with.