Not going to lie: I’ve been pretty rough around the edges lately. Medically and emotionally frustrated and overwhelmed and worried. I’ve tried to share my feelings about my current state of being, but sometimes when you feel like this the catch-22 is that you feel unheard even if you are. That’s just how it is. It’s hard and it’s life and it’s  ok. 

I was feeling particularly blue when it came time to pick Daughter up from school yesterday. I have a few people with whom I’m friendly and I knew if I saw them they would ask how I was. I would say “fine,” lying through my teeth. They would chat. I would chat back. And it would take all I had in me for the rest of the day to accomplish this small bit of civility. 

Instead of doing all of that, I chose to give myself the grace to stay in my car. 

I waited unti the third bell, the upstairs hallway bell, Daughter’s bell, to even get out of the car. I didn’t make much eye contact, but those I usually chat with were engaged in conversations by then. The one person I was willing to speak with, only because it takes no effort because he “gets it,” I spoke with. Everyone else got a smile and a nod. 

And it was ok. Giving myself the permission to not interact was the right thing. I’ll be careful not to make it s habit, but for that one day, it was good.