When Husband and I made all our crazy plans to move our family, neither of us had jobs to go to. We weren’t so much scared of having no work as we were scared of killing each other. Don’t get me wrong, we have a pretty fantastic relationship. I’ve written in the past about my adoration of Husband and readers will know I wouldn’t want to travel this planet a single day without him. Still, we are passionate people. We’re yellers. We get aggravated. We get irritated. And we say so. Because of that, the idea of having a few months of just “us” time in a pretty directionless way was a little intimidating.
It turned out to be a really amazing thing. For the first many months we were not even remotely in each other’s way. It was actually some of the most fun I’ve had in my marriage; our connection as a couple was stronger than ever, we were on the exact same page as parents, and we laughed and smiled a lot every day. Sure, by the very end we were stepping on each other’s toes and pretty ready to start our own stuff, but still… We spent a very long time one on one and loving it.
As ready as we were, though, suddenly being apart was surprisingly difficult.
Perhaps because I overanalyze and perseverate on little things, I began to feel a distance from Husband and actively sought to repair it. There were little things I tried that just felt weird to me and, frankly, went unnoticed by Husband. That’s when I decided to be more present and to notice things. I had been focused on things that he could do to make me feel more connected to him, more valued, when really I was just as much a part of my feelings as he was. So, I started to tell him every night, right before going to sleep, something that I noticed about him during the day. It was something small, something that to an outsider would probably not seem like much of anything, but I know it mattered to him. I know this because he started doing it back.
The first thing that he said he noticed about me was a powerful statement about my personality and how he valued the way I looked at a situation. This was beyond meaningful to me because until he said what he did, I was thinking of it as a flaw. But he pointed it out as something wonderful, something amazing. I had no idea he even realized what I did, much less admired it about me.
These little affirmations have changed my relationship in a way I never could have predicted. I feel valued. I feel important. I feel like I can take on my demons. I feel noticed. A daily affirmation from someone you love might just be what you need to change the way you see everything.