I try to find the reason in all the bad stuff that happens. I guess it’s one of those stupid coping mechanism things, but it’s all I have in the middle of the night when something has me to bothered to sleep. In my life, I’ve usually been able to find the reason for most personal things- individual illnesses, car accidents, minor to moderate tragedies, even the passing of my father. I’ve been able to say, “OK. I think this could be something that came of that which was important for me/the family/the world to accept and learn.” Sure, I’ve been angry and asked the Universe if maybe there could have been a better way to teach that particular lesson, but still… I’ve been generally accepting overall.
There is no reason, none, for the dementia in my mother. I have learned patience from Daughter. I’ve learned that I am not in control. There’s nothing that I need to learn from this. I’m angry. I’m upset, sure, but I am pissed. This isn’t fair, and that’s another thing I already knew. People are telling me I’m allowed to be mad. I know. I’m allowed to be upset. I know that, too.
So, Universe, knock it off. Leave my mom the hell alone. I’m done learning.