I have been doing a lot of things I never could have imagined lately. I had no idea that my life would have me working from home and starting to really enjoy it. While I’m still hoping for an opportunity, this is pretty good for now. Never did I ever think that I would need to explain so much about politics to my child at age 9 so that she could hold her own in playground conversations. I never thought I’d have to shield her from so much political news, either. Weird, wild stuff.
I think the most striking thing, though is that I could not have predicted that I would still be tying to invent myself or find myself or define myself at 41. I really thought I’d have that figured out by now. I am not entirely sure it is possible to be done with this task anymore. I remember being idealistic and thinking I knew myself at age 20. I’m past double that now and I still have the ability to surprise myself. Sometimes I’m more conservative than I thought. Sometimes, more progressive. Sometimes I can hear my mother coming from my lips and I know I never predicted that. In all seriousness, I did believe that I would be settled by now, figured out, decided.
I’m not. I’m a being in flux. As I have aged I have learned that this is how I want it to be. I want to be a person who learns, who grows. I want to question everything and everyone, even past me. It only serves to make me better.